


Whatever he needs

by stipethom



Category: Cable and Deadpool, Deadpool (Comics)
Genre: Birth Control, F/M, Genderbending, Guilty Pleasures, M/M, he/him pronouns for femlae Wade
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:07:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25425859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stipethom/pseuds/stipethom
Summary: Wade became a woman after being attacked by a hormone-not-virus.
Relationships: Nathan Summers/Wade Wilson
Comments: 2
Kudos: 17





	Whatever he needs

**Author's Note:**

> I am rarely an English writer. This is done without any refinement so please don't expect much.  
> Comments will be appreciated!

The man looked absolutely ill. There he was, lying on the concrete ground in his own pulp of blood, and even with all that freak show of a damaged body his curves were bluntly, inappropriately showing—probably because the suit was not designed for women’s curves. After all, it was Deadpool’s suit. 

Teresa had to cover her mouth at the view. She realized what had happened upon seeing it as quick as if a shot going to the head. Deadpool, Wade Wilson, the unkillablemerc, was somehow a girl now. Not that lady Deadpool from another dimension. But this, the Wade she knew. It must be some biological weapon. But how could something harm you simply by transforming you into the opposite sex?

She touched his forehead without removing the mask. She felt abnormal heat coming from behind, and she couldn’t help to gasp again. Something was wrong. She decided to take Wade back to the mansion. Professor would know what to do. Or Hank might know. Someone must know.

That was three hours ago. Deadpool was still unconscious. He was no doubt a woman now, his physique too obvious to belong to a male. He appeared vulnerable in his coma, and due to the disturbing outline of his shoulders and thighs revealed under his shattered costume, the X-men looked away for being as polite as they could. There was nothing much to look at, really, mostly scars and uneven skin, and it was bloody and shapeless from previous impact, but the mutants felt more pity than repulse.The air was uneasy as if too much thinking were cramming the room. The professor was not here yet. Hank was busy on something, and he got on the case as soon as he identified its seriousness.

Teresa found a blanket to cover Wade’s body. She felt relieved when Jean decided to approach her. She was the only person close to a friend to Wade, and Jean now need her knowledge about this guy. Jean looked worried and kind, as usual, when she spoke with concern.

“Do you have any idea how it may affect his body? Does it last or will it just go away as he regenerates?”

She shook her head, feeling another headache. “I was there just to see he got seriously hurt. Like what he was used to doing to himself.”

Jean seemed to be pondering upon this. “Then, he stayed with us,” she added, “as long as he was in this state.”

They all knew she didn’t just mean the coma. They simply couldn’t leave a  wounded woman like that, even if he was a morally ambiguous psychopath, and he probably would heal nevertheless.

Hank finally attached all the wires to Deadpool and began watching the statistics on a small screen. The vitals didn’t look good, but they were gradually improving, although it seemed slower than usual. The old Deadpool should be up and kicking by now. The weapon had done its share of damage. When some figures started to fluctuate, Hank’s look turned into worry. He took Deadpool’s pulse again, and he stick a thermometer into his mouth, not quite sure about the figures showing on the screen that he had to do it by manually.

He spoke at last, putting on his glasses.“ his hormones are strange. He is overheating. Besides, the heart rate is a little too fast, but still normal.”

He paused, as if himself need time to process some hidden information. The hall was a little crowded now as all the other available X-members were out, because they were not sure what they were looking for. First they heard someone was brought in for treatment. Then they were taken away by the fact that it was Deadpool. However, it seemed inappropriate to go away at this point, for it was clearly something more serious than just a nosy non-mutant getting hurt.

Teresa almost felt bad for Wade. Now the hall was even more crowded because of the amount of breathes, coughs, and silent exchange of looks. Even with sweat from training and perfume from girls, or boys or anyone, who knew.

“It is highly unstable due to his regenerative ability. Could be contagious. We should put him in quarantine. And make sure he does not dehydrate. He’s going to wake up any minute now.”

Jean sent Wade to a nice clinical chamber with her telekinesis without touching the merc’s skin since contact could be contagious. Teresa tried to observe Wade through the only glass window pane. All the other parts of the exterior wall was sealed, and the steel door was closed, but not locked. Hank directed everyone to stay clear of the room, as if he need to. The X-women all looked uncomfortable. 

Emma emerged from the hallway, and she quickly disappeared. A tired Scott showed up, too, and he looked stern. He was frowning at Teresa.

“You brought him.” He said. 

“He was a mess.” She rebutted, and Scott frowned again. “ He is no longer.. We can’t leave SHE alone.”

Scott signed. “I was not suggesting that. I need more information before any decision is made.”

The X-people became quiet as professor entered the room. He talked with Hank shortly, and the door was opened. The chamber was turned into translucent by lifting up the shields, so they could see the merc without risking catching the virus.

“Where the...what the.. Hh shit. Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit.”

Deadpool sprung from his bed. He stretched his arm to feel the wound, which was healed by now. He looked as if he was choked by his own words. But a joke managed to come out.

“Wow. Someone took my parts. I mean, the good parts. Hello, anyone there know where Logan is? Does he occasionally lose his bits when he regenerates?”

“I don’t think so.” Hank said, “You were attacked by a weapon. A virus. Your hormones have been disturbed, and your body makes it worse.”

“OK, fine, so are you guys making me a specimen or what? You need another good looking X-woman? I think I fill the job description.”

“The virus can be highly contagious. We can’t risk you fooling around.”

“Wade.” Teresa managed. “I’m sorry, but If this continued...”

“I’m gonna need lady’s underwear. I know. And probably Tampons. And birth control pills —“

“Please, “ Hank looked incredibly undisturbed. “as tempting as it may sound. Don’t test your limit. Your hormones are unstable. Having sex will be very dangerous even to you.”

“I know, I know, big furry, but how can I resist? I am always curious about that multiple orgasms thing.”

Teresa and Rachel dragged him to women’s department after they went through a couple of CVS to get everything they need. Wade didn’t blush once, which was predictable, but when his mask was hooked onto the strap buckle, he refused to take off his mask, and that caused him an extra fifteen minutes in the changing room.

When he came out of the store, he had baggy pants and t-shirts because he was no longer allowed to walk around topless. He also had some fishnets, fake fur-coat, short shorts and crop tops that made the other customers gaze at him as if he were a whore. Rachel and Teresa did not comment on his taste. They went on for another hour to find some skin-care products—the scent was a killer, man, and the lady at the counter smiled at him, so he obediently swiped his credit card for such useless things that would definitely not work on him. 

Obviously, the world was much kinder to a woman. At least, some part of the world. The nicer part of the world.

Only once some little shit whistled at him. He pulled the trigger, but the bullet was held in check by Rachel’s power. They didn’t even bitch about his impulsiveness, and they looked, well, approving.

But it turned bad when he saw someone he used to work with. That guy was always mean, but he appreciated a tough guy, so Wade could work with him. But the way they talked about women who were ugly. Ewww. He was unfuckable as a man, and now even more unfuckable as the opposite. He could make it up for being manly and find someone willing to close their eyes when he fucked them. But he could not afford to be ugly as a woman for women were always gazed by, like, everyone.

“I need to throw up.” He declared. “Maybe I am pregnant.”

When Rachel offered bathroom, he looked offended. There were, perhaps, gender neutral ones, but he didn’t want to go to any bathroom. His excuse of virus wouldn’t work as Hank had announced that it was actually not a virus. It just temper with hormones to make people docile against attack, but with healing factor it went to far that he got a gender-swapping surprise. He finally found a trash can, shooing the squirrels away, and he put a dirty finger down his throat. With several nasty attempts, he managed to vomit. And the girls looked more ill than him.

“Better?”

Rachel crossed her arms, looking unbelievable.

“I guess this is how some girls lose weight.”

She shook her head. “Let’s go home if you don’t need anything else.”

He wished He hadn't thrown up after 10 minutes. This time, he really felt nasty, but he managed to get back to the mansion without falling over. As soon as he collapsed onto his bed, his head was dizzy and heavy as if he was running over and over by a train ruthlessly. The hall became noisy again. He tried to fall asleep. But then, he heard Cable, and suddenly he wanted to die. He wished Nate didn’t know he was here, but that little hope soon vanished as someone walked steadily to his door.

The door was locked. Lucky.

“Wade.” Nathan said, his voice so clear that Wade suspected his tongue was against the door. And that bastard was probably fighting back the urge to unlock using telekinesis. “I heard it from Hank. Are you alright?”

“Leave me alone.” He mumbled. However, it was not rude enough to push Nate away. It wasn’t the place to make a scene, and he super didn’t want the X-men to throw him out at this moment. Fuck Nate. The guy Just couldn’t take hint.

“It will be OK.” Nate said, sounding like he tried to assure Wade. “The X-men will help. “

“Because you asked?”

Nate paused, as if thinking about how to respond to that. Then he did ask. Wade didn’t know how to feel about it.

“I will stick around. “ Nate said. “I’ve got some business to take care of. But let me know if you need me.”

Wade cried. In fact, he cried so loud that everyone in the mansion were awake, but no one made a fucking sound to comment on his lapse. Must be the hormones, he later figured with what was left of his sense. His mask was damp and the tears and snot made a pool around the collar of his new T-shirt. His limbs were limp (oh it rhymes), back was killing him, and suddenly all hell broke loose in his belly. He was bleeding between his thighs. He tried to stick tampons into it, but what he really need might be something bigger, like a bladder control pad. When he finally came to himself, he was on the operation table as if the x-men need to do a c-section to him. And Nate was there, looking guilty while he didn’t do anything, not yet.

“How do you feel now.”

“Oh, I thought there will be no break-up sex after divorce.”

“Answer my question. How do you feel now?”

“Like I just gave birth to Rosemary’s baby. Does every period feels like this or is it just me?”

“Your case is...different. “ Hank was watching the screen, and Wade knew that the beast was avoiding his eyes. “It can happen frequently, depending on the weather, and mood, and the food you eat. It will be like this for a while.”

“Oh fuck.” Wade slumped. “Will I have to cry once a month? Once a week? Twice a day.”

“It can be extreme in the first couple weeks. But it should be better with the pills.”

This time, he didn’t realize he was crying. He walked to the kitchen and found a knife to cut his arm. He didn’t succeed, and the noise of chopping his own fingers off stirred the x-men. Emma discovered his presence first, and moved the sharp objects away. He fought for the scissors, but his wrist was quickly blasted by a optic beam. 

“What the hell are you doing, Deadpool!”

Scott nearly cursed, but he didn’t act rude to him. He was taken to the clinic again, and by the time they got there he already healed. Meanwhile, he was babbling about the guns that he kept under his mattress for blasting robbers or blasting himself. He argued with the voice in his head that it was necessary, because he didn’t have prescription for painkillers, so he need to give himself a bigger pain to kill minor pains. He then made jokes about the sleeping pills he got from a psychiatrist many years ago, and that he got high instead of going to sleep on the pills, and that the shrink turned out to be a sadistic, manipulative bastard that used him to kill his own parents (which he forgot about every time he sobered enough).

This time when he woke up Logan was there. While he looked just as grumpy as before, all the others couldn’t look at him. 

“Anything happened to my skin? Again?” He wondered, meanwhile speaking out loud.” Do the X-guys look away because I cried myself to an uglier girl during the fit?” He grabbed his mask as a knee jerk reaction. He realized it was still there, stink with his own spit and tears, so they were not looking not because of his face.

“OK, guys, sometimes manly man cried too—and strong woman cried as well, right? Never been there before. So, maybe I can have an ice cream? I've got a trauma to heal."  


Someone finally made out something. “Out.” The voice raised. “Everyone.” That was Jean.

The hormone-not-virus was influencing her through her empathetical link with people. Wade sympathized with her, really. He knew how sucked it was to be under that not-virus. He didn’t need a tender heart to feel all the tumultuous emotions brought out by it, hence it must be worse for a powerful psychic like her. 

Someone was arguing with Jean at the door. He had a vague idea about who that was. 

He saw Nathan entered the chamber and came to his bedside. He bent down and said something low and soft.

“If it would make you feel better.” Nathan said, “I could, you know, change my form into a woman too.”

He blinked. And Nathan had to repeat. The moment He caught what Nate said to him, he burst out laughing, ever so loud and genuine since he was brought here. Nate smiled too, looking pleased, and didn’t seem to care whether his offer was taken seriously or not.

“Oh boy.” Wade said breathlessly, “That was priceless. I would lick the floor if that makes you my woman. But no, not now. “

He took a deep breath to gather strength for what he was about to say.

“You look like the only person haven't changed around me. Stay this way. Don’t make it weird. “

And then Nate lowered his head to kiss him.

It was obvious that everyone including Nate Summers Dayspring Askani'son’s mom and dad knew that Deadpool and cable were having plenty of break-up sex after they were back together at the mansion. Nobody encouraged it while nobody showed any sign of approval. Hank looked frustrated, for he believed that Deadpool was killing himself with his hormones being restless, but someone (definitely Nate) persuaded him that unleashing pent up hormones could help form a balance in the body. Anyway, they didn’t comment. Nathan said he had predicted exactly this.  


“They knew the minute I came looking for you.” He snorted. “I don’t understand why you think it’s still a secret. People are not fools.”

It's just that Wade still couldn’t take off his mask. He became more aware that he was an ugly lady now. He couldn’t possibly compare with any of Nate’s exes. It made sense when they were homos since he was likely Nate’s first experience with man (he wanted to confirm that with Nate sometime in the future). Now he wasn’t the first woman in Nate's love life, and not probably the least attractive one. Nate could be having pity sex with him. The X-men must have thought the same. That was why He was treated like a terminal patient and everyone couldn't refuse his last wish. He was certain that even if he asked to have threesome with Professor and Hank they would consider his request.

There was one night he felt overwhelmingly bad. Terry was with him, nowadays they were like bff in high school. He suggested some horny lesbian sex, but Red rolled her eyes. She’d rather watch Netflix and shop lingerie online with her, not minding brushing hands and thighs casually with Wade, but no lesbian sex. How strange women were.

Indeed, he truly appreciated Terry’s accompany. When he started crying at night, she was the person he felt safest to be around. This time, she persuaded him to take off his mask, and promised not to laugh at him when he had to wash his own saliva off his mask and clothes afterwards. While a man he feared showing his face to Terry, as a woman he felt OK. She would never eye him like he used to do to her.

He was sobbing himself into a a bunch of tissues. Terry silently sit beside her. She refused to let him take out his guns from under the mattress. He was too tired to fight her so he obeyed. This time the fit was modified, so he was foolish to assume that nothing worse could happen. 

Until Nate appeared at his door and saw him without his mask.

Immediately, He had a panic attack. He broke the glass on the nightstand and spilled blood all over sheets. His hands was too shaky to throw the glass at the door. He wanted Nate blind. Terry was pale. She just touched his arm with unspoken emotions and left the room with the two of them.

Why she was OK with Cable in Wade’s room was a mystery. Please, he was supposed to be the damsel in distress, while Cable is the definition of toxic masculinity.  


Shards of glass floated into the dustbin without a clink. Nate was still. Nate must saw the way he rolled down the mask with shards sticking in it. It would heal. However, due to the fact that the shards were still there on his face, he would get hurt once again.

Nate must have thought about that, too. He stayed, notwithstanding the menace against him. Wade peeled down his top and went to bathroom to scrub off the blood. Then he took off his shorts. His mask glued on his face as if it was his last piece of pride.

He finally sit on the now clean bed and allowed Nate to snuggle close so that he could kiss his neck and jaw. They made out for a while. Blood kept coming down from his nose, and he was sure some remaining shards cut Nate’s lips, too. As much as he wanted to break Nate’s nose by throwing a glass at him, he didn’t want to cut Nate’s lips by kissing him.

That means they were even.

After several hours of mindless babbling interrupted only by naps, Nate coaxed him to roll up his mask a bit higher above his nose, revealing his cheeks. He looked awful, painful, and untouchable. Nate drew near and carefully used his TO fingers to fetch his mask, finally taking it away from his ears, forehead, and bold head. He realized his eyes must be bleeding messily, too, when Nate rubbed blood from his face with a look as if Wade was a bastard.

“Satisfied?” He asked. 

“What makes you think it’s different now your hormones are weird? Besides, you don’t make a very convincing woman. “

He gaped.

“What the fuck.”

“You cry an awful lot. That’s not a womanly thing to do. That’s just embarrassing.”

“Being me is embarrassing.”

“Being you is embarrassing regardless. So, do you still want that divorce sex or not?”

“Have you ever seen me turning down sex?”

“We are not dating.” Wade explained to Bobby. “We are going through a long, long process of divorce. And we are taking advantage of it. You should try divorce sometime.”

Bobby laughed. “I see it now.”

He laughed too. There might be some X-guys who didn’t hate him that much. Besides, there were also some X-ones only knew him as a gal. 

Today He was wearing a comic T-shirt skirt. It was too hot to wear stockings, so he didn’t. People avoided looking at him on the street, because he was lucky today and he met the nicer part of the humanity. Nate was with him, which was rare, and he felt like he was Nate’s girlfriend or some shit. He just hoped he would never, ever see Neena in this state. In fact, never saw anyone who used to know him as a man. Therefore, they took back alleys and narrower streets. It was in the heat of the day so every corner of the houses dotted along the streets were blinking with daze, as if their roofs were melting to pleasant piles of mercury. Under the London plane trees stopping at a traffic light they couldn’t hold the urge to kiss. The hormones were a hell lot of more powerful than they originally thought. Plus, people didn’t look disgusted at them. Some young, cool punks smiled and nodded at him, and he nodded back. Nate was smiling, too. Nate was visibly shinning in the sun.  


A boy was crossing the street from the opposite direction, and he made a face at Wade. Wade ignored him, because he had such great mood and didn’t want to ruin it. Unfortunately, the boy got close and approached him, so he had to stop to not bump into him. He was pretty sure if he had any close contact with this boy his mother would shriek.

“Hello, ms, The T-shirt is cool!” the boy looked up to him. Now he notice he was wearing X-brand sneakers. The kid took Wade’s silence as an encouragement, “I collect X-men t-shirts."

Then the kid nervously turned away, speeded up to walk past Wade as if being drained up by the conversation, hopefully not by the scary lady look. He suddenly realized that was a compliment. The kid didn't know he was Deadpool and only cared about his fucking shirt. It’s really been ages since he got a compliment from a stranger. Like ordinary people. Their opinions matter. 

He wondered whether this could male up of all the past experiences of insults and disgust he had. He though hard. 

He decided it could not.

He wrapped his arm around Nate, feeling weak as he became more and more furious again. He was angry at the small number of nicer people in the world. If they had been more, they wouldn’t have ran out on Wade so fast. He wouldn’t have to be so oftentimes miserable. He could use some niceties more.

He hated that Nate make him feel good. Nate was the better part of the world, maybe the best part, but Nate was only one person, and Wade would run out of Nate someday like abusing a good engine to retirement. Because he wanted every drop of goodness Nate had to offer. He envied those people who could claim what was theirs naturally and proudly. He couldn’t, because he was bad at keeping things to his own.

He told Nate: “Let’s find the nearest motel and get naked.”

Everything healed.

Wade wondered how long it would take before he became pregnant with this high frequency of unprotected sex. Hank was very disapproving and had to emphasize that Deadpool could get as many post-pregnancy symptoms as ever exist in the world. Wade and Nate didn’t care. If being woman means he could give birth to a baby, that would be fantastic. He made sure that cancer and TO would not pass on to their child if they ever had one. He was under the stupid impression that Nate would devote more to the family(yeah, family) if he had a child, like, the old fashioned way, husband and wife, blablabla. He was the kind of person to mock the heterosexual stereotype but would still wanted to do it. Damn, now he wanted to name the future child after Nate’s something. Not his Dad. And also not Xavier.

Despite their hopes, they didn’t produce any offspring. That would be a different story to write if they really succeeded. In the beginning, Wade thought he would be kicked out of the mansion as soon as he recovered. Now he was planning to move in to Nate’s place and to finish that divorce thing once and for all. The last couple months were like wet dreams came true. 

It was great while it lasted.


End file.
